Welcome to Boobs and Oreos

This is a blog about the insanely average lives of Taylor Smith and Cody Kaufman.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

thrift treasure

   As you know, I work in a thrift shop. Everyday is a new story and something cool. Heres just a few things we have got in our store..

RIP Friday Wife

   Welp, its time to retire the ol' Friday Wife. Sorry guys. So now when you type in MILEY CYRUS NUDE BOOBS or SELENA GOMEZ TITTY or even UMA THURMAN NUDE, you will be directed to a different site. I hope you still visit though :'(

<3 Cody

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Kate Upton GQ 2K12

Yes I know Kate Upton is borderline retarded, but still, unreal. Just unreal.

Oh and if you haven't seen it, her Carls Jr. commercial.

I've watched both a total of 317 times.

Arby's Update.

  So if you guys recall last weeks post HERE, you all know I had a little beef going with Arby's. Well they told me they would send me a gift card, and they did! $5 bucks. Aka free lunch. They also wrote me a little letter saying how much they wanna be my friend and how I'm their favorite customer. Nbd. But I just wanna clear things up right here, right now. Arby's, I forgive you.


Monday, June 18, 2012

Senior Citizen Hip Hop Choir

   Why have I never seen this? It says its from 2009 and I'm just now watching it? Somethings not right here. Plus, only 19k views? Bogus. I suggest you watch the whole video. Pure quality if you ask me.

PS. It gets heated at 4:06

Dear Cody,

900k+ views is not 19k views....

Numbers are hard.

T dawg

Dear Taylor,

I mustve clicked another one because the one I watched only had 19k.




   I have seen a couple of UFOs in my short little life time. One at camp watching the stars. I thought it was a shooting star but it suddenly stopped, zig zagged, and shot off a different direction. Second one, I came home from football practice and saw a giant grey and brown saucer hovering over the street.
   But tonight was a doozy. Why? Because I had a witness with me. We were looking over the horizon and noticed a small light appear out of nowhere. It slowly raised and got very bright and big. It then hovered for about a 30 seconds and slowly dropped down and disappeared. Yea it may not have been an alien. It may have been too though. BUT still technically considered an unidentified flying object. UFOs fa days!


UPDATE: 4 different people saw it last night that I know of. Nobody knew what it was. U. F. O.

Weddings n shit.

    Went to a wedding today. My sisters friend is marrying a Brit. We've had a house full of British and Irish people living with us for over a week who are absolutely awesome. At the wedding, my family was the only loud and annoying/hilarious people there. Literally the whole time was jokes and throwing shit at each other. Somebody even drew a swastika on the table cloth. WASNT ME. Also, I finally caught that garter thing that the bride has around her leg. Those things always kind of grossed the crap out of me, but still cool finally snagging one. Look out ladies.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Friday Wife: Lulu Antariksa

   Yea its Saturday. Don't care. I'm human and I forgot. Anyways, I'm sitting here watching the new Figure It Out and I see this beaut. Lulu Antariksa. Never heard of her, never seen her in my life. But she is TOTAL wife material. A hot mexican hipster girl. I have never fallen in love with a girl I will never meet so fast. Maybe I should start watching more new Nick shows, even though everyone knows 90's Nick was the best. Hence the fact that they brought back Figure It Out. Its pretty good, except I know nobody on the show and I miss Laurie Beth Denberg.

And I'm gonna try this again... Lulu Antariksa Boobs, Nude, Tits. Laurie Beth Denberg Boobs, Nude, Tits. <--- That should get us some more views.

<3 Cody

Friday, June 15, 2012

Taylors GF.

Dear Cody,

I hope you die.


Click it or Dicket.

   I had stop class last night. 6-10. Earlier in the day I checked to see how far away the class was, and it said it was only 14 minutes away. So 5:30 comes and I type in the destination.... 40 minutes away. So ironically I had to speed there to be on time. 
   The class was awful. The fat teacher guy had a studder, the lights kept going out from the storm, and we only got 2 breaks. Thankfully, there was a milf there, and we got a packet of notes and a pencil. So I spent the whole time drawing. Heres some of my doodles! 



Thursday, June 14, 2012

Cult Swinger Panties.

   I literally only worked for an hour and a half today. BUT, I did get asked to join this cult church thats behind our shop for the second time. I gave the lady a fake number, except I just realized she knows where I work. And once she figures out I lied, I bet I will be cursed or something cool like that.

   Also today, a middle aged guy came in and went straight to the woman's section. He grabbed all sorts of lingerie and underwear and stuff. When my boss asked him what it was for, all he said was, "Its for the swingers party I'm having tonight... Its just a sex party." First off, where is this awesome party? And how old do you have to be to join?? 19? Perfect!


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Nick Colbert back at it.

Nick is at it again! If you don't know Nick, heres a little reminder. Nick's Movie Trailer and Nick Flexing. Anyway he's going on some sexual tweet rampage. I suggest you all follow him.

Yes this post is sloppy. I'm tired and I'm on bathsalts.

Wait, i fixed it. suck it.

Conflict @Arbys.

See what I did there? Conflict "at" Arbys. Twitter joke.

   So today on my lunch break I head over to get some Good Mood Food at Arbys. They forgot my damn drink that I paid for. I was furious. So furious I had to do something... So I took our beef to Twitter.

Looks like were all good now, I'd say.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Boobs Fa Days

   I know I already posted about this, but its gotten even worse. To the point where all top views (minus Chemo with Fred) are about girls and boobies. 

God people, get your shit together. Miley Cyrus naked nude boobs.


PS. I guarantee that every one of these views is by somebody like this.

Rob Me.

   We just got new surveillance cameras at the thrift shop. I watched myself work today and all I could think about is how cool it would be if I was on one of those shows where it shows people getting robbed. So if you want to come in and take my money while you point a gun at me, then let me whale on you for a few minutes that would be totally cool. I want a good quality video to show my friends.

Worst gift card alive.

All I usually ask for for Christmas/my birthday is one thing. A gift card to Best Buy. Simple simple request. One of my sisters though decided to be a jackass and get me this "gift card". 
   Yea its different, yea its kinda cool. But actually using it is a whole 'nother story. I went to BB today to get me a CD. Stevie Stone Rollin Stone to be exact. Anyway I'm kind of short on cash so I found this in my car and decided to use it. The problem though was that my cashier was kind of a babe. So I hand her my CD and set this puppy down. Heres how the convo went...

Cashier: Ha cool toy.
Me: Thanks but its actually a gift card.
Cashier: Oooh I've never seen this, I thought you were just showing me your toy.
Me: Ha nope I'm just trying to get rid of it.
Cashier: Yea thats kind of embarrassing. You have $3 left on it.
Me: Dammit.

Yup, that happened. Awkward and embarrassing moments is my forté.


Monday, June 11, 2012

Everyday convos

   I love working short days more than just about anything. 4 hours is a perfect amount of time. In this 4 hours, there was a lady asking me millions of dumb questions, a guy fell through the ceiling, and I heard this convo.. Black Lady Customer: Whats his name? (referring to me) Boss: Oh we call him white kid. Customer: More like cute white kid. Hey cute white kid! I hear these types of conversations alllll the time at my job. And yes, I do take them as compliments. And yes, I am bragging. And yes, you are jealous.


Friday, June 8, 2012

Friday Wife: Demi Lovato

   Dem Dem Dem.. Another Disney girl to steal my heart. Yes this was going to be the week for Miley, but there was a little bit of a major setback. Just a little thing called getting engaged. Total bummer. But anyways, how the hell does Disney do it? They just pull in the babes like its nothing. Except Miranda Cosgrove. Ick. Back to Demi. She's total wife material and all, but what does she even do? Was that Camp Rock movie it for her? I guess all that matters in this situation is that she's hot and I am taking this time right now to propose to her. Demi, if you're reading this babe, I'm on one knee asking you to be my wife. Is this just to get back at Miley? .....no......
<3 Cody

PS. I've noticed the views come from people who type in the girls names with "boobs" at the end, so in order to get more views, here goes nothing. Demi Lovato's boobs. Demi Lovato nude. Naked girl boobs. Boobs.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Pro Pencil Sharpeners are cool.

   Professional pencil sharpener huh? Thats a real thing? Uuum bro, you can't just call yourself a professional if every child in the world can do it. If so, I've been pro for 15 years. First off, what business is going to send you a pencil and ask you to sharpen it? And I like how he says he even sends the shavings back to the client because it is a part of their pencil. No one wants that shit. If this is actually a real video and a real "job", then be happy about it Dave. You may have overspent $999.75 on all your gear, but you still have the easiest job in the world. Quit being such a stiff. God I need to quit my job and get a good profession, like a professional shoe tyer.



   Loooong ass day at work today. 9-7:30. Blow my brains out. But today I had to do a pretty big delivery. The weird thing though is that the customer tagged along for the ride with me. Awkward as hell but he was a super nice guy. Anywho, when we pulled into his neighborhood, there was a cop in front of us pulling up on his street. He said "aw shit" and called his friends right away. All I heard him say was "I just saw the boys pull up on the street, put the clips inside." For those of you who don't know what a "clip" is, its a gun. I feel so hard.

Miley Cyrus is engaged..

   This is one of the worst days of my life. My crush since day 1 is now engaged to Thors bro. Dammit Miley, you really know how to crush a dream. You've been dating this noob Liam for only a couple years, I've been looking at your riskay pictures for like 5 years now. Not fair. Oh well, I'll give the marriage a month or two. Then right back on the horse I go.


PS- doesn't help that I was going to do Miley as my Friday Wife this week. Psychic.

Dear Cody,

The word is 'risque'. Not 'riskay'. Good grief, you dumbass.


I forgot you even existed on this thing.


You can't even spell your name. And not really. I hate blogs. I hate life. I hate people. I hate you.

Much love,

Monday, June 4, 2012

Fa Days.

   Taylor and I were downtown Omaha again tonight. If you didn't know, the olympic swimming trials are in Omaha. So in honor of that, some artist made this sculpture. Scary AF. Anyway I decided to be an original son of a bitch and take this picture. Tell me this thing isn't scary. Nightmares fa days. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Friday Wife: Ariana Grande

   Sorry you guys didn't get one last week, I was busy living life and yoloing. But boy oh boy am I giving you guys a good one to make up for it. Lordy Ariana is a major babesicle. I have no idea what she does, probably an actress right? Don't really care. Anyways I think its the red hair on a mexican hipster babe that does it for me. I've seen her with her regular hair and I didn't even bat an eye. Blah city. But her hair now, wowzas. Now, after I got my girl Gabriella Cilmi to follow me on Twitter, I thought i'd try my luck with this broad. Long story short, she has a very annoying Twitter so I unfollowed her. Sorry my love.
<3 Cody