thrift treasure

   As you know, I work in a thrift shop. Everyday is a new story and something cool. Heres just a few things we have got in our store..

RIP Friday Wife

   Welp, its time to retire the ol' Friday Wife. Sorry guys. So now when you type in MILEY CYRUS NUDE BOOBS or SELENA GOMEZ TITTY or even UMA THURMAN NUDE, you will be directed to a different site. I hope you still visit though :'(

<3 Cody

Kate Upton GQ 2K12

Yes I know Kate Upton is borderline retarded, but still, unreal. Just unreal.

Oh and if you haven't seen it, her Carls Jr. commercial.

I've watched both a total of 317 times.

Arby's Update.

  So if you guys recall last weeks post HERE, you all know I had a little beef going with Arby's. Well they told me they would send me a gift card, and they did! $5 bucks. Aka free lunch. They also wrote me a little letter saying how much they wanna be my friend and how I'm their favorite customer. Nbd. But I just wanna clear things up right here, right now. Arby's, I forgive you.

-Cody

Senior Citizen Hip Hop Choir

   Why have I never seen this? It says its from 2009 and I'm just now watching it? Somethings not right here. Plus, only 19k views? Bogus. I suggest you watch the whole video. Pure quality if you ask me.

PS. It gets heated at 4:06

Dear Cody,

900k+ views is not 19k views....

Numbers are hard.

T dawg




Dear Taylor,

I mustve clicked another one because the one I watched only had 19k.

dickweed.

C.

UFOs.

   I have seen a couple of UFOs in my short little life time. One at camp watching the stars. I thought it was a shooting star but it suddenly stopped, zig zagged, and shot off a different direction. Second one, I came home from football practice and saw a giant grey and brown saucer hovering over the street.
   But tonight was a doozy. Why? Because I had a witness with me. We were looking over the horizon and noticed a small light appear out of nowhere. It slowly raised and got very bright and big. It then hovered for about a 30 seconds and slowly dropped down and disappeared. Yea it may not have been an alien. It may have been too though. BUT still technically considered an unidentified flying object. UFOs fa days!

-C


UPDATE: 4 different people saw it last night that I know of. Nobody knew what it was. U. F. O.

Weddings n shit.

    Went to a wedding today. My sisters friend is marrying a Brit. We've had a house full of British and Irish people living with us for over a week who are absolutely awesome. At the wedding, my family was the only loud and annoying/hilarious people there. Literally the whole time was jokes and throwing shit at each other. Somebody even drew a swastika on the table cloth. WASNT ME. Also, I finally caught that garter thing that the bride has around her leg. Those things always kind of grossed the crap out of me, but still cool finally snagging one. Look out ladies.
-Cody

Friday Wife: Lulu Antariksa

   Yea its Saturday. Don't care. I'm human and I forgot. Anyways, I'm sitting here watching the new Figure It Out and I see this beaut. Lulu Antariksa. Never heard of her, never seen her in my life. But she is TOTAL wife material. A hot mexican hipster girl. I have never fallen in love with a girl I will never meet so fast. Maybe I should start watching more new Nick shows, even though everyone knows 90's Nick was the best. Hence the fact that they brought back Figure It Out. Its pretty good, except I know nobody on the show and I miss Laurie Beth Denberg.

And I'm gonna try this again... Lulu Antariksa Boobs, Nude, Tits. Laurie Beth Denberg Boobs, Nude, Tits. <--- That should get us some more views.

<3 Cody

Taylors GF.

Dear Cody,

I hope you die.

Love,
Taylor

Click it or Dicket.

   I had stop class last night. 6-10. Earlier in the day I checked to see how far away the class was, and it said it was only 14 minutes away. So 5:30 comes and I type in the destination.... 40 minutes away. So ironically I had to speed there to be on time. 

   The class was awful. The fat teacher guy had a studder, the lights kept going out from the storm, and we only got 2 breaks. Thankfully, there was a milf there, and we got a packet of notes and a pencil. So I spent the whole time drawing. Heres some of my doodles! 

-Cody 

 

Slayer

Cult Swinger Panties.

   I literally only worked for an hour and a half today. BUT, I did get asked to join this cult church thats behind our shop for the second time. I gave the lady a fake number, except I just realized she knows where I work. And once she figures out I lied, I bet I will be cursed or something cool like that.

   Also today, a middle aged guy came in and went straight to the woman's section. He grabbed all sorts of lingerie and underwear and stuff. When my boss asked him what it was for, all he said was, "Its for the swingers party I'm having tonight... Its just a sex party." First off, where is this awesome party? And how old do you have to be to join?? 19? Perfect!

-Cody

Nick Colbert back at it.

Nick is at it again! If you don't know Nick, heres a little reminder. Nick's Movie Trailer and Nick Flexing. Anyway he's going on some sexual tweet rampage. I suggest you all follow him.

Yes this post is sloppy. I'm tired and I'm on bathsalts.

-c

Wait, i fixed it. suck it.

Conflict @Arbys.

See what I did there? Conflict "at" Arbys. Twitter joke.

   So today on my lunch break I head over to get some Good Mood Food at Arbys. They forgot my damn drink that I paid for. I was furious. So furious I had to do something... So I took our beef to Twitter.

Looks like were all good now, I'd say.

-Cody

Boobs Fa Days

   I know I already posted about this, but its gotten even worse. To the point where all top views (minus Chemo with Fred) are about girls and boobies. 

THIS BLOG IS CALLED BOOBS AND OREOS. NOT BOOBS AND DISNEY GIRLS.

God people, get your shit together. Miley Cyrus naked nude boobs.

-Cody

PS. I guarantee that every one of these views is by somebody like this.

Rob Me.

   We just got new surveillance cameras at the thrift shop. I watched myself work today and all I could think about is how cool it would be if I was on one of those shows where it shows people getting robbed. So if you want to come in and take my money while you point a gun at me, then let me whale on you for a few minutes that would be totally cool. I want a good quality video to show my friends.
-CK

Worst gift card alive.

All I usually ask for for Christmas/my birthday is one thing. A gift card to Best Buy. Simple simple request. One of my sisters though decided to be a jackass and get me this "gift card". 

   Yea its different, yea its kinda cool. But actually using it is a whole 'nother story. I went to BB today to get me a CD. Stevie Stone Rollin Stone to be exact. Anyway I'm kind of short on cash so I found this in my car and decided to use it. The problem though was that my cashier was kind of a babe. So I hand her my CD and set this puppy down. Heres how the convo went...

Cashier: Ha cool toy.
Me: Thanks but its actually a gift card.
Cashier: Oooh I've never seen this, I thought you were just showing me your toy.
Me: Ha nope I'm just trying to get rid of it.
Cashier: Yea thats kind of embarrassing. You have $3 left on it.
Me: Dammit.

Yup, that happened. Awkward and embarrassing moments is my forté.

-Cody

Everyday convos

   I love working short days more than just about anything. 4 hours is a perfect amount of time. In this 4 hours, there was a lady asking me millions of dumb questions, a guy fell through the ceiling, and I heard this convo.. Black Lady Customer: Whats his name? (referring to me) Boss: Oh we call him white kid. Customer: More like cute white kid. Hey cute white kid! I hear these types of conversations alllll the time at my job. And yes, I do take them as compliments. And yes, I am bragging. And yes, you are jealous.

-C

Told you.

Friday Wife: Demi Lovato

   Dem Dem Dem.. Another Disney girl to steal my heart. Yes this was going to be the week for Miley, but there was a little bit of a major setback. Just a little thing called getting engaged. Total bummer. But anyways, how the hell does Disney do it? They just pull in the babes like its nothing. Except Miranda Cosgrove. Ick. Back to Demi. She's total wife material and all, but what does she even do? Was that Camp Rock movie it for her? I guess all that matters in this situation is that she's hot and I am taking this time right now to propose to her. Demi, if you're reading this babe, I'm on one knee asking you to be my wife. Is this just to get back at Miley? .....no......
<3 Cody

PS. I've noticed the views come from people who type in the girls names with "boobs" at the end, so in order to get more views, here goes nothing. Demi Lovato's boobs. Demi Lovato nude. Naked girl boobs. Boobs.

Pro Pencil Sharpeners are cool.

   Professional pencil sharpener huh? Thats a real thing? Uuum bro, you can't just call yourself a professional if every child in the world can do it. If so, I've been pro for 15 years. First off, what business is going to send you a pencil and ask you to sharpen it? And I like how he says he even sends the shavings back to the client because it is a part of their pencil. No one wants that shit. If this is actually a real video and a real "job", then be happy about it Dave. You may have overspent $999.75 on all your gear, but you still have the easiest job in the world. Quit being such a stiff. God I need to quit my job and get a good profession, like a professional shoe tyer.

-Cody

Word.

   Loooong ass day at work today. 9-7:30. Blow my brains out. But today I had to do a pretty big delivery. The weird thing though is that the customer tagged along for the ride with me. Awkward as hell but he was a super nice guy. Anywho, when we pulled into his neighborhood, there was a cop in front of us pulling up on his street. He said "aw shit" and called his friends right away. All I heard him say was "I just saw the boys pull up on the street, put the clips inside." For those of you who don't know what a "clip" is, its a gun. I feel so hard.
-Cody

Miley Cyrus is engaged..

   This is one of the worst days of my life. My crush since day 1 is now engaged to Thors bro. Dammit Miley, you really know how to crush a dream. You've been dating this noob Liam for only a couple years, I've been looking at your riskay pictures for like 5 years now. Not fair. Oh well, I'll give the marriage a month or two. Then right back on the horse I go.

-C.

PS- doesn't help that I was going to do Miley as my Friday Wife this week. Psychic.

Dear Cody,

The word is 'risque'. Not 'riskay'. Good grief, you dumbass.

Sincerely,
Taylor

I forgot you even existed on this thing.

-Cdoy.

You can't even spell your name. And not really. I hate blogs. I hate life. I hate people. I hate you.

Much love,
Taylor

Fa Days.

   Taylor and I were downtown Omaha again tonight. If you didn't know, the olympic swimming trials are in Omaha. So in honor of that, some artist made this sculpture. Scary AF. Anyway I decided to be an original son of a bitch and take this picture. Tell me this thing isn't scary. Nightmares fa days. 

Friday Wife: Ariana Grande

   Sorry you guys didn't get one last week, I was busy living life and yoloing. But boy oh boy am I giving you guys a good one to make up for it. Lordy Ariana is a major babesicle. I have no idea what she does, probably an actress right? Don't really care. Anyways I think its the red hair on a mexican hipster babe that does it for me. I've seen her with her regular hair and I didn't even bat an eye. Blah city. But her hair now, wowzas. Now, after I got my girl Gabriella Cilmi to follow me on Twitter, I thought i'd try my luck with this broad. Long story short, she has a very annoying Twitter so I unfollowed her. Sorry my love.

<3 Cody

Pix of roadtrippin.

Here are some of the wild pictures of the black hills road trip I promised! Good ass times. Good. Ass.

work was cool.

   Today at work, I was miserable. Sick as balls and didn't feel like moving a finger. My boss noticed and sent me off to Staples to print off new clothing tags so I wouldn't have to be at the store and infect everyone else with my fungus. Now, my boss likes things done fast and efficiently. The complete opposite happened. Took me 45 minutes just to print off the tags. As I was walking back to the car I noticed my keys were gone. Yup, those muhfuggas got locked inside. Thankfully one window is broken and "fixed" with ductape. So I headed back into Staples to get me a letter opener. Worked like a charm. Kind of. 

   So there I was driving with an open broken window and bam, it started pouring. Inside soaked. Total loose butthole of a day, so the boss man and I sat in his car in the ran and listened to his raggae album he made. Good way to end a shit day.

-Cody.

Call your girlfriend dammit.

I don't normally post random videos, but Lennon and Maisy here stole my heart. Not in a creepy pedophile way, but in a way I don't know how to explain without sounding weird. Enjoy kiddos.

-C.

thievin.

I just went to Kum & Go to get me a slushie with Gnarly, and my boys Cove and Alex. As we were walking up the hill I noticed a guy leaned against a bent handicap sign. Right away I thought the guy was hit by a car or dead or something cool, but no. Not that exciting. Him and his brofriend were just robbing the place and got arrested as we walked up. Why couldn't I have been there 5 minutes earlier? Why does my life suck?

-C

nuts weekend

   To add on to this awesome weekend, besides the whole killer trip, I went to the Tech N9ne/Machine Gun Kelley concert in Omaha with my girlfran. Most mosh pittiest and least juggaloest Tech concert I have been to yet. But before the concert I was heading home to Omaha and got pulled over. Apparently I was doing 90 in a 75, when I know for a fact I was going 85. Anyways you should've seen the look on the sheriffs face when I pulled my license out of my fanny pack. Pure disgust. Yolo.
   Then today at work, right when I get there an armless lady stormed out in anger and was mumbling something about prices. Weird. Also I witnessed an old lady fall in the parking lot. Never have I seen an old person fall, but boy oh boy did it look painful. I ran out there and got her up and into her car right away, so yes I am a hero. Nbd ladies, its just what I do.
-Cody

And I'm back!

   Seriously one of the most fun trips. Climbed pretty much to the top of Chimney Rock, went caving at Jewel Cave, hiked, saved a snake, threw up 3 times, hiked toadstool in my boxers, fell down Chimney Rock and grabbed a cactus with a snake on it on the way down, saw Mount Rushmore and the Badlands, kind of, saw a bunch of bison, mule deer, caribou, antelope, mountain goats, etc. Pretty much an action packed 3 days if you ask me. Yes there will be pictures. Be patient dipshits.
-Cod.

Im leaving forever.

   And by forever I mean this weekend. Thats right boys and ladies, Codys going on a needed road trip to the black hills! Badlands here I come! Jewel Cave, herr, I, kum. Just me, my sisters, and my lady friend on a wet and wild adventure. On an unrelated topic, today I ate almost a whole pizza and now its coming out through my bowels. Taylor and I know how to party, we each bought a pizza and breadsticks and sat back to watch Tucker and Dale Vs Evil. Solid movie. Go watch it while I'm gone because I know you'll have nothing else to do! Suck it.
-Cody

dead chicks.

   I just got back into Omaha today and around my apartment is 2 dead baby birds and 1 thats on the ground but still alive. Now me being an animal lover/hoarder, I think I should help this little fella out before nightfall and take it in. But its parents are constantly flying around it and watching it. Should I be the actual parent and take care of it or should I let its lazy parents just fly around it all night till its dead? What would the losers over at Peta do? Its your call internet.
-Cody

Keywords.

People are freaks.

every hole.

   So every other weekend is when I come back to Lincoln to stay at my parents house and see my family and friends and yada yada yada. My parents love it (only because) I bring my dog Gnarly with me. Anywho I'm pretty sure my mom wants us gone already. Just a few days ago my mom spent about $100 just to get the carpet cleaned. First time in years. Now the other day she made chicken and threw the rest of the dead carcass away in the trash. She told me to put the trash can on the table so G wouldn't get to it. I told her she wouldn't and didn't bother to touch the trash. We left for about 15 minutes and when we came home, we found that it was all gone, bones and all. Gnarly ate it. Strike 1. The next morning was the true disaster story. She pooped, strike 2. She peed twice, strike 3 and 4. And she threw up, strike 5. Im out. All of this on my moms freshly cleaned carpet. Like I said, I think she wants us gone.

-Cody

Nicholas Colbert.

   You guys, I'm serious about this guy becoming famous. I don't see how he's not a star already. If you have the time Watch his damn videos. Apparently my boy Nikki C. has a movie coming out this fall, and nobody is more excited than I am. Behold...

http://www.youtube.com/user/colbert2525

Friday wife: Tumblr Babes.

   This post bothers me. Why you ask? Because I will never know these beauties names and I will never find a way to find them. Yea that sounds creepy, but its whatever. Honestly throw me in a room with these girls and I would drive myself loony trying to figure out which one to wife. So as happy as these pictures of babes make me, they piss me off just as much. Sad day in Codyland. On a separate note, its summer ya'll. Have a shitty one.

<3Cody

pics below dummies.

NIck Colbert Flexing.

   Uuuum this is the greatest video of my boy Nick that has ever been put out. Nick and I go waaay back to freshman year, crazy stuff happened, but that story is for another day. Seriously this guy better somehow become a celebrity, like now. If you have time in your day I suggest you watch all of his videos and even take a gander at his Facebook. Pure entertainment for all ages.
http://www.facebook.com/nicholascolbert32
-Cody

http://www.youtube.com/user/colbert2525

Satan.

   Yesterday Taylor and I decided to go downtown. He wanted to get the new Best Coast girly pms album so I went with him. As we came out of Homer's, I noticed this gem sitting on a newspaper stand. So since Taylor loves Lucifer so much, I gave it to him. Seriously, we need to watch this pronto.

-Code

Final.

   Sorry for the lack of blogs goin on lately. Me and Taylor got our purgatory school finals this week. Only 3 more days fellas!

<3 Cody

monday funday.

   Guess what Taylor and I did tonight. Just guess. Go on. Thats right, got taco truck, smoked some B&Ms, drank some grape soda, and played rock band. Solid monday night if you ask me. Anyways Taylor took a video of me sing The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, accompanied by the Marcy House Gang. Its a professional looking video with professional sounding pros. Totally worth the watch. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=236838346416967

-C Dawg.

Made some new bros.

   Work has yet to disappoint me with weird things happening to me. Today I went to do a delivery, and I end up in the most ghetto part of Omaha I have been in yet. Its like I was in another world, or Compton. So I get to the house and out come 5 dudes from the backyard where they were bbqing. 2 of them were just total beef castles, 1 was a fat guy with his shirt off, 1 of them had a dreadlock mohawk, and the other was a short chunky dude.
   First thing I notice is one of the beefers had a gun in his pants. Just sticking out in broad daylight. Scared some urine out of me. Then I get some of the mattresses out and they go "You ain't gonna carry dis in?" So I tell them our 'door-to-door' policy and they said "Dats some bullshit." After we unload the van I'm getting ready to get in and the fat one says "Okay now hand over the keys, I'm taking the car." I just froze up. Didn't have a clue what to do or say.
   Thankfully the man said he was joking... But the final thing he said after I got in was "I know you white folks like when us ni**as give you handshakes and shit like you're part of our crew so here." He proceeded to give me some kind of neat handshake and we both laughed and bonded and became bffs.
-Cody

Craigslist

Here's some funny screen shots from the local listings that me and Mike found today while slacking off in class. Truly inspiring.

-Taylor

Mike.

If you're not following @Shit_Mike_Says_ yet on twitter, I don't know whats wrong with you.
https://twitter.com/#!/Shit_Mike_Says_

Friday Wife: MIA

   MIA, my Indian queen. I've always sort of been a kind of big fan of her music. Mango Pickle Down River was a goodie. Paper Planes was a classic. But what made me fall in love with her was the music video for Bad Girls. Not even kidding when I say I watched it 5 times a day for a month straight. And then after that, her little stunt she pulled at the Super Bowl was a total babe move. Flippin off the world to me is sexy. Well played babe.

<3Cody

E-40 Zombie Music Video

Sick new video, but more importantly a chance to make all you mofos out there jealous. Suck it you guys.  Suck it long and hard. 

BOOM!

-C.

antique virgin.

So this lady is 70 and still a virgin but looking to lose the v card. I wonder if she has any takers yet, if not count me in. This broad is looking for a good time and I can't let her die not fulfilling her hopes dreams. I would feel way too bad and put all the blame on myself. So Pammy, get at me. codykaufman7@yahoo.com

-C.

ZOO.

    Yup, Omaha is a zoo. Filled with hipsters, homeless, and crackheads. Today Taylor and I went downtown for some good ol' mantuiqing. We saw an old looking dude in a Little Bo Peep looking costume carrying a giant lolipop. Then I saw a pregnant looking man. Huge stomach with some big chest beefers, I guess it could've been a lady with a mustache... but who knows. Anyways we also saw a dog wearing sunglasses and I purchased some sweet posters. So suck it everyone else.
-Cody

PS. I've pooped a total of 5 times today from eating all that Pepperjax last night. Worth it.
PPS. Make that 6.

Pets n shit.

   So I don't know what the hell is wrong with my family, but I love it. We have had a plethora of the weirdest pets and it always seems to continue. I'll start with my parents. My dad used to have a spider monkey when he was my age, his neighbor had a chimp. And of course he had dogs. Mom, dogs. My parents met, had some kids. Then together we got ducks, hamsters, rabbits, parakeets, fish, and Charlie my first dog. Then as kids we went in our own directions with the animals. Oldest sister had a tank of about 20 different insane fish, a bunch of fire belly toads, a frog, and now a dog named Sticky. Middle sister got fish and a horrible rat named Snowball. It had red eyes so I figured it was some sort of spawn of Satan. Then me, I had fish, many frogs, a turtle, some shrimp, a lizard, 2 quails, and a boa constrictor. I was feeding my boa one fateful day and it snuck out of the cage and got lost in the vents never to be seen again. NBD. But now I have my pup Gnarles. The girl of my dreams. The love of my life. The peanut butter to my jelly. The toilet paper to my anus.

-Cdollaz

whattaday.

    Well today was a weird one. Gave a stupid speech to a bunch of stupid people. Got to work. We hired a new pregnant lady that smokes. Boss talked about firing everyone. Saw a armless guy driving a van. Got some Pepperjax. Met up with Taylor 30 minutes later, got Pepperjax again. Yes I will have explosive diarrhea. Went downtown, saw some gangstas on twenty fo's, which were spinners by the way. They were blasting rap when a cop pulled up behind them and immediately turned it off. Grade A funny shit. Saw some strong guys doing wheelies on bmx bikes. Now watching Horrible Bosses. What did you do today ya dingus?
-Cody

Avengers.

   So tonight I went and saw the Avengers. Uhmazing. Loved it. There was one problem though, the people in the audience. Now I know all of my posts lately have been about me hating people, and I'm not sorry. People suck. At the movie everyone was constantly making noise. I don't know if it was my ADHD kicking in or what but I was so annoyed. I would try paying attention to the movie then bam! Somebody was wiping there fingers with loud ass napkins.
   The guy next to me was wearing a leather jacket and chewing gum the whole time. His stupid leather jacket was the worst thing of the night. I wanted to turn and beat his face in for wearing it. Who wears a freaking leather jacket into a movie? Anyways, someone else had a laser pointer, people kept messing with napkins, somebody dropped a glass bottle twice, everyone kept moving, etc. Just sit down and enjoy the freaking movie. Don't even think about going to the bathroom you dipshits. Just sit.
-Cod.

Stump.

                       

Taylor and I found a deep stump. I bet you've never found a deep stump.

annoyingprintertime

   Why the hell are people so annoying? It seems like a simple question, but I can never figure it out. Why can't they just be not annoying? Like me, I just sit at my desk quietly minding my own, surfing the world wide web, and listening to music. But then there's almost everyone else at my school. A bunch of loud freaks who need attention. Like right now, there's 5 people just standing around the printer doing nothing. They've been there for a solid half an hour. Just sit down, put your headphones in, and shut the hell up. If I had a grenade right now... oh boy.
-C

Chemo With Fred

Brad found out he has cancer this past February and that's a bummer, but he seems to be enjoying his chemo therapy thanks to his new friend, Fred, who you will read all about in this blog.

http://chemowithfred.com/

Some of the funniest stories I have ever read and Fred is the funniest man I've never met.

-Taylor

Stop Cody 2012.

gawd.

   Sorry for not posting on here this past weekend. Surprisingly I had somewhat of a life this weekend and didn't have time to tell any stories. Suck it. Anyways, this weekend ruled. Party, fished, biked, movies, adventures, girl, fam, etc. But then back to purgatory I go. Im so over this school its unreal. I don't like anybody. I think probably 3 people actually know who I am. And whys that? Because I don't care to meet or get to know anyone here. I don't want to be friends with anyone at this school. I want to pick up my shit and leave right now. 9 days left boys and girls. 9 days.
-Cody

RIP MCA

The world lost a true legend today. Adam Yauch, aka MCAa, of the Beastie Boys died of cancer. He was 47 years old. The Beastie Boys started off as a hardcore band and then became the hip hop force we know them as today.

-Taylor

Here's one of the coolest photos of him ever. He's playing bass with the Cro Mags. He's a true hardcore OG. Harley Flanagan in the lower right corner singing. This is amazing. 

Friday Wife: Valerie Poxleitner AKA Lights

   Oh Val you little devil. Taylor showed me you about 2 months ago and I felt a strong connection. I had a chance to see her show here in Omaha last week but missed it. I had more important things to do. I know what you're thinking, 'What the hell could be more important??' I don't mean to sound like a little cocky bastard but I actually had a date the same night. So have an ACTUAL date or see a concert of a girl I could NEVER actually date because of celeb status? You choose. But I promise you Lights, it won't happen again babe.
<3 Cody

Good Mourn.

   Well this Friday just started off with a bang! Woke up late for school because of all the damn noise inside my apartment last night. Then when I finally do leave for school this morning I get bit by a little shithead dog. I'm not so mad at the dog biting the back of my leg as I am the retard of a lady who owns him.
   This little black dog is always out when Im walking my dog Gnarly and it always bites her on the legs or face. Lady get your damn dog under control. Obviously its a little shit and should be euthanized but I'm thinking the same thing should be done to you. Seriously after the dog bit me all she said was "Oh be nice" to the dog. She didn't ask if I was okay or say she was sorry. Just, oh be nice. Hey lady, incase you haven't noticed, it does this every damn day. Another pointless human being who shouldn't be walking on this earth. I wish the absolute worst for this scumbag.
   Anyways back to my great start of a day, I get to school around lunchtime so we head over to good ol' Micky D's for some food. Taylor picked out our booth and sat down. I sat on the other side of him, but on the other side is a huge puddle of water. My ass immediately gets soaked and I start swearing up a storm in front of everyone. My khaki shorts have a huge water mark on them and it is totally uncomfortable. Everyone stared at me as I walked out and I wanted to flip them all off, but me being the nice guy I am, held my composure. Tgif I guess.
-C.

Just a taste.

I mentioned last night that the stories I tell you about might sound crazy and unrealistic. Well I wish I could have a camera on me at all times so you could see the weird and crazy things I see. So to show you I'm not bluffing, here are some funny, crazy, weird pictures I've taken/was a part of. Honestly thank God for cameras. Click read more ya dingus.

Wowzees

   So I was going through random blogs last night and came across one called Roxanne's Way or something like that. Anyway her top post said "Funny!" so I had to read it. .....uuum what part of that was funny at all? HAHAHAHA OMG COCONUT BRAS?!?! LOL U LADIES ARE WILD! Smdh. And 35 comments? Whats that all about? If any of my posts are ever as retarded as this one, tell a brotha. Gtfo Roxy. Burn.

P.S. The next person to call their anniversary an 'anny' should automatically be put through a firing squad. We don't need scum like this. LOLZ.

-C

After Werk.

   Most of this stuff I tell you honestly sounds like I make it up. I'm not kidding you when I say this weird stuff happens to me on the reg. I'm always in or always see awkward/crazy situations. After work today Im driving home and I hear a huge screech from the car behind me. I look back to see this jeep slamming its brakes to avoid hitting this dumbass idiot driver. That wasn't the weird part though. There was a little white dog on the passengers lap. Just minding his own biz probably licking its balls. Then, when the guy hit the brakes, the dog literally flew and hit the windshield. I was so confused as to what I just saw... Now I'm a total dog lover, always have been always will be. But this was just way too funny of a moment to not laugh. Almost cried myself all the way home. Thanks pup.
-C.

Another day of work, another story.

   So today I get the call from my boss to come in like usual. I get there and he tells me I have to do a delivery. So before every delivery I call the person to make sure they're home and have someone to help carry the furniture in their place. So I call this Rob guy, and I can tell he's an older guy probably in his 60's. Just sounds like the nicest guy in the world. I ask him if he has somebody to help him take in the furniture, and he asks if he can talk to my manager. I hand the phone to the bossman and his eyes got super big. He puts the phone on speaker and these are just a few of the things I hear:
"You mother fucker, I never got told I needed someone to help me"
"speak mother fucking english you asshole" (my boss is from Africa)
"you piece of god damn shit I'm gonna call the cops"
"send your delivery boy over here and see what the fuck happens asshole"
"keep your god damn furniture I don't give a fuck"
"I was in a coma for 3 fucking weeks and now you're telling me I need to put furniture in myself?"

Gum Wall.

    Its been almost 2 years since we had to put this masterpiece six feet under. By six feet under I mean in the trash. It started off as a single piece of gum that someone stuck inside my locker at school. Everyday, there it was, staring at me.
   One day I decide to do something, but little did I know it would go down in the books as one of the greatest masterpieces in Lincoln Southeast High School history. I put my piece of gum right on top of it. A class later I go to my locker and see one of my best friends putting his gum right on top of mine. We looked at each other and instantly knew. Lets build a tower. Pretty soon word spread around school about what was going on in locker C116. We had people lining up to be a part of this secret masterpiece. We told everyone that if the janitors found out about this, everything would be ruined.

Death Metal

Some stuff I'm listening to. It won't let me post a third one in the format I want, but the last video would be a track off of Carcass's "Heartwork" record. Highly influential melodic death metal album. I know there are some goobers out there who think Arch Enemy and later In Flames are actually good, and I'd like to suggest you take a listen to "Heartwork" and educate yourselves. 

Unleashed-Before The Creation of Time
90's Swedish death metal about Norse mythology and viking life as opposed to lyrics about HP Lovecraft and horror themed lyrics that was so prevalent at the time. 

Revenge-Us and Them (Higher Power)
Filthy, dirty black/death metal from Canada. Absolute chaos. 

My favorite kind of music. The perfect music to skate to. The perfect music to live life to.

-Taylor

SERIOUSLY THOUGH.

   I don't know if you guys just ignored this or didn't see it, but no worries, I will repost it. Again Im just a poor little white college kid looking to entertain myself, but I have no money. If you forgot the list of things I need and what you'll get in return, click riiiight here. vvv http://boobsandoreos.blogspot.com/2012/04/urgent.html

But there is one more thing that needs to be added. This cheeseburger shirt. Love you guys, with all my heart.

<3 Cody.