Pix of roadtrippin.

Here are some of the wild pictures of the black hills road trip I promised! Good ass times. Good. Ass.

work was cool.

   Today at work, I was miserable. Sick as balls and didn't feel like moving a finger. My boss noticed and sent me off to Staples to print off new clothing tags so I wouldn't have to be at the store and infect everyone else with my fungus. Now, my boss likes things done fast and efficiently. The complete opposite happened. Took me 45 minutes just to print off the tags. As I was walking back to the car I noticed my keys were gone. Yup, those muhfuggas got locked inside. Thankfully one window is broken and "fixed" with ductape. So I headed back into Staples to get me a letter opener. Worked like a charm. Kind of. 

   So there I was driving with an open broken window and bam, it started pouring. Inside soaked. Total loose butthole of a day, so the boss man and I sat in his car in the ran and listened to his raggae album he made. Good way to end a shit day.

-Cody.

Call your girlfriend dammit.

I don't normally post random videos, but Lennon and Maisy here stole my heart. Not in a creepy pedophile way, but in a way I don't know how to explain without sounding weird. Enjoy kiddos.

-C.

thievin.

I just went to Kum & Go to get me a slushie with Gnarly, and my boys Cove and Alex. As we were walking up the hill I noticed a guy leaned against a bent handicap sign. Right away I thought the guy was hit by a car or dead or something cool, but no. Not that exciting. Him and his brofriend were just robbing the place and got arrested as we walked up. Why couldn't I have been there 5 minutes earlier? Why does my life suck?

-C

nuts weekend

   To add on to this awesome weekend, besides the whole killer trip, I went to the Tech N9ne/Machine Gun Kelley concert in Omaha with my girlfran. Most mosh pittiest and least juggaloest Tech concert I have been to yet. But before the concert I was heading home to Omaha and got pulled over. Apparently I was doing 90 in a 75, when I know for a fact I was going 85. Anyways you should've seen the look on the sheriffs face when I pulled my license out of my fanny pack. Pure disgust. Yolo.
   Then today at work, right when I get there an armless lady stormed out in anger and was mumbling something about prices. Weird. Also I witnessed an old lady fall in the parking lot. Never have I seen an old person fall, but boy oh boy did it look painful. I ran out there and got her up and into her car right away, so yes I am a hero. Nbd ladies, its just what I do.
-Cody

And I'm back!

   Seriously one of the most fun trips. Climbed pretty much to the top of Chimney Rock, went caving at Jewel Cave, hiked, saved a snake, threw up 3 times, hiked toadstool in my boxers, fell down Chimney Rock and grabbed a cactus with a snake on it on the way down, saw Mount Rushmore and the Badlands, kind of, saw a bunch of bison, mule deer, caribou, antelope, mountain goats, etc. Pretty much an action packed 3 days if you ask me. Yes there will be pictures. Be patient dipshits.
-Cod.

Im leaving forever.

   And by forever I mean this weekend. Thats right boys and ladies, Codys going on a needed road trip to the black hills! Badlands here I come! Jewel Cave, herr, I, kum. Just me, my sisters, and my lady friend on a wet and wild adventure. On an unrelated topic, today I ate almost a whole pizza and now its coming out through my bowels. Taylor and I know how to party, we each bought a pizza and breadsticks and sat back to watch Tucker and Dale Vs Evil. Solid movie. Go watch it while I'm gone because I know you'll have nothing else to do! Suck it.
-Cody

dead chicks.

   I just got back into Omaha today and around my apartment is 2 dead baby birds and 1 thats on the ground but still alive. Now me being an animal lover/hoarder, I think I should help this little fella out before nightfall and take it in. But its parents are constantly flying around it and watching it. Should I be the actual parent and take care of it or should I let its lazy parents just fly around it all night till its dead? What would the losers over at Peta do? Its your call internet.
-Cody

Keywords.

People are freaks.

every hole.

   So every other weekend is when I come back to Lincoln to stay at my parents house and see my family and friends and yada yada yada. My parents love it (only because) I bring my dog Gnarly with me. Anywho I'm pretty sure my mom wants us gone already. Just a few days ago my mom spent about $100 just to get the carpet cleaned. First time in years. Now the other day she made chicken and threw the rest of the dead carcass away in the trash. She told me to put the trash can on the table so G wouldn't get to it. I told her she wouldn't and didn't bother to touch the trash. We left for about 15 minutes and when we came home, we found that it was all gone, bones and all. Gnarly ate it. Strike 1. The next morning was the true disaster story. She pooped, strike 2. She peed twice, strike 3 and 4. And she threw up, strike 5. Im out. All of this on my moms freshly cleaned carpet. Like I said, I think she wants us gone.

-Cody

Nicholas Colbert.

   You guys, I'm serious about this guy becoming famous. I don't see how he's not a star already. If you have the time Watch his damn videos. Apparently my boy Nikki C. has a movie coming out this fall, and nobody is more excited than I am. Behold...

http://www.youtube.com/user/colbert2525

Friday wife: Tumblr Babes.

   This post bothers me. Why you ask? Because I will never know these beauties names and I will never find a way to find them. Yea that sounds creepy, but its whatever. Honestly throw me in a room with these girls and I would drive myself loony trying to figure out which one to wife. So as happy as these pictures of babes make me, they piss me off just as much. Sad day in Codyland. On a separate note, its summer ya'll. Have a shitty one.

<3Cody

pics below dummies.

NIck Colbert Flexing.

   Uuuum this is the greatest video of my boy Nick that has ever been put out. Nick and I go waaay back to freshman year, crazy stuff happened, but that story is for another day. Seriously this guy better somehow become a celebrity, like now. If you have time in your day I suggest you watch all of his videos and even take a gander at his Facebook. Pure entertainment for all ages.
http://www.facebook.com/nicholascolbert32
-Cody

http://www.youtube.com/user/colbert2525

Satan.

   Yesterday Taylor and I decided to go downtown. He wanted to get the new Best Coast girly pms album so I went with him. As we came out of Homer's, I noticed this gem sitting on a newspaper stand. So since Taylor loves Lucifer so much, I gave it to him. Seriously, we need to watch this pronto.

-Code

Final.

   Sorry for the lack of blogs goin on lately. Me and Taylor got our purgatory school finals this week. Only 3 more days fellas!

<3 Cody

monday funday.

   Guess what Taylor and I did tonight. Just guess. Go on. Thats right, got taco truck, smoked some B&Ms, drank some grape soda, and played rock band. Solid monday night if you ask me. Anyways Taylor took a video of me sing The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, accompanied by the Marcy House Gang. Its a professional looking video with professional sounding pros. Totally worth the watch. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=236838346416967

-C Dawg.

Made some new bros.

   Work has yet to disappoint me with weird things happening to me. Today I went to do a delivery, and I end up in the most ghetto part of Omaha I have been in yet. Its like I was in another world, or Compton. So I get to the house and out come 5 dudes from the backyard where they were bbqing. 2 of them were just total beef castles, 1 was a fat guy with his shirt off, 1 of them had a dreadlock mohawk, and the other was a short chunky dude.
   First thing I notice is one of the beefers had a gun in his pants. Just sticking out in broad daylight. Scared some urine out of me. Then I get some of the mattresses out and they go "You ain't gonna carry dis in?" So I tell them our 'door-to-door' policy and they said "Dats some bullshit." After we unload the van I'm getting ready to get in and the fat one says "Okay now hand over the keys, I'm taking the car." I just froze up. Didn't have a clue what to do or say.
   Thankfully the man said he was joking... But the final thing he said after I got in was "I know you white folks like when us ni**as give you handshakes and shit like you're part of our crew so here." He proceeded to give me some kind of neat handshake and we both laughed and bonded and became bffs.
-Cody

Craigslist

Here's some funny screen shots from the local listings that me and Mike found today while slacking off in class. Truly inspiring.

-Taylor

Mike.

If you're not following @Shit_Mike_Says_ yet on twitter, I don't know whats wrong with you.
https://twitter.com/#!/Shit_Mike_Says_

Friday Wife: MIA

   MIA, my Indian queen. I've always sort of been a kind of big fan of her music. Mango Pickle Down River was a goodie. Paper Planes was a classic. But what made me fall in love with her was the music video for Bad Girls. Not even kidding when I say I watched it 5 times a day for a month straight. And then after that, her little stunt she pulled at the Super Bowl was a total babe move. Flippin off the world to me is sexy. Well played babe.

<3Cody

E-40 Zombie Music Video

Sick new video, but more importantly a chance to make all you mofos out there jealous. Suck it you guys.  Suck it long and hard. 

BOOM!

-C.

antique virgin.

So this lady is 70 and still a virgin but looking to lose the v card. I wonder if she has any takers yet, if not count me in. This broad is looking for a good time and I can't let her die not fulfilling her hopes dreams. I would feel way too bad and put all the blame on myself. So Pammy, get at me. codykaufman7@yahoo.com

-C.

ZOO.

    Yup, Omaha is a zoo. Filled with hipsters, homeless, and crackheads. Today Taylor and I went downtown for some good ol' mantuiqing. We saw an old looking dude in a Little Bo Peep looking costume carrying a giant lolipop. Then I saw a pregnant looking man. Huge stomach with some big chest beefers, I guess it could've been a lady with a mustache... but who knows. Anyways we also saw a dog wearing sunglasses and I purchased some sweet posters. So suck it everyone else.
-Cody

PS. I've pooped a total of 5 times today from eating all that Pepperjax last night. Worth it.
PPS. Make that 6.

Pets n shit.

   So I don't know what the hell is wrong with my family, but I love it. We have had a plethora of the weirdest pets and it always seems to continue. I'll start with my parents. My dad used to have a spider monkey when he was my age, his neighbor had a chimp. And of course he had dogs. Mom, dogs. My parents met, had some kids. Then together we got ducks, hamsters, rabbits, parakeets, fish, and Charlie my first dog. Then as kids we went in our own directions with the animals. Oldest sister had a tank of about 20 different insane fish, a bunch of fire belly toads, a frog, and now a dog named Sticky. Middle sister got fish and a horrible rat named Snowball. It had red eyes so I figured it was some sort of spawn of Satan. Then me, I had fish, many frogs, a turtle, some shrimp, a lizard, 2 quails, and a boa constrictor. I was feeding my boa one fateful day and it snuck out of the cage and got lost in the vents never to be seen again. NBD. But now I have my pup Gnarles. The girl of my dreams. The love of my life. The peanut butter to my jelly. The toilet paper to my anus.

-Cdollaz

whattaday.

    Well today was a weird one. Gave a stupid speech to a bunch of stupid people. Got to work. We hired a new pregnant lady that smokes. Boss talked about firing everyone. Saw a armless guy driving a van. Got some Pepperjax. Met up with Taylor 30 minutes later, got Pepperjax again. Yes I will have explosive diarrhea. Went downtown, saw some gangstas on twenty fo's, which were spinners by the way. They were blasting rap when a cop pulled up behind them and immediately turned it off. Grade A funny shit. Saw some strong guys doing wheelies on bmx bikes. Now watching Horrible Bosses. What did you do today ya dingus?
-Cody

Avengers.

   So tonight I went and saw the Avengers. Uhmazing. Loved it. There was one problem though, the people in the audience. Now I know all of my posts lately have been about me hating people, and I'm not sorry. People suck. At the movie everyone was constantly making noise. I don't know if it was my ADHD kicking in or what but I was so annoyed. I would try paying attention to the movie then bam! Somebody was wiping there fingers with loud ass napkins.
   The guy next to me was wearing a leather jacket and chewing gum the whole time. His stupid leather jacket was the worst thing of the night. I wanted to turn and beat his face in for wearing it. Who wears a freaking leather jacket into a movie? Anyways, someone else had a laser pointer, people kept messing with napkins, somebody dropped a glass bottle twice, everyone kept moving, etc. Just sit down and enjoy the freaking movie. Don't even think about going to the bathroom you dipshits. Just sit.
-Cod.

Stump.

                       

Taylor and I found a deep stump. I bet you've never found a deep stump.

annoyingprintertime

   Why the hell are people so annoying? It seems like a simple question, but I can never figure it out. Why can't they just be not annoying? Like me, I just sit at my desk quietly minding my own, surfing the world wide web, and listening to music. But then there's almost everyone else at my school. A bunch of loud freaks who need attention. Like right now, there's 5 people just standing around the printer doing nothing. They've been there for a solid half an hour. Just sit down, put your headphones in, and shut the hell up. If I had a grenade right now... oh boy.
-C

Chemo With Fred

Brad found out he has cancer this past February and that's a bummer, but he seems to be enjoying his chemo therapy thanks to his new friend, Fred, who you will read all about in this blog.

http://chemowithfred.com/

Some of the funniest stories I have ever read and Fred is the funniest man I've never met.

-Taylor

Stop Cody 2012.

gawd.

   Sorry for not posting on here this past weekend. Surprisingly I had somewhat of a life this weekend and didn't have time to tell any stories. Suck it. Anyways, this weekend ruled. Party, fished, biked, movies, adventures, girl, fam, etc. But then back to purgatory I go. Im so over this school its unreal. I don't like anybody. I think probably 3 people actually know who I am. And whys that? Because I don't care to meet or get to know anyone here. I don't want to be friends with anyone at this school. I want to pick up my shit and leave right now. 9 days left boys and girls. 9 days.
-Cody

RIP MCA

The world lost a true legend today. Adam Yauch, aka MCAa, of the Beastie Boys died of cancer. He was 47 years old. The Beastie Boys started off as a hardcore band and then became the hip hop force we know them as today.

-Taylor

Here's one of the coolest photos of him ever. He's playing bass with the Cro Mags. He's a true hardcore OG. Harley Flanagan in the lower right corner singing. This is amazing. 

Friday Wife: Valerie Poxleitner AKA Lights

   Oh Val you little devil. Taylor showed me you about 2 months ago and I felt a strong connection. I had a chance to see her show here in Omaha last week but missed it. I had more important things to do. I know what you're thinking, 'What the hell could be more important??' I don't mean to sound like a little cocky bastard but I actually had a date the same night. So have an ACTUAL date or see a concert of a girl I could NEVER actually date because of celeb status? You choose. But I promise you Lights, it won't happen again babe.
<3 Cody

Good Mourn.

   Well this Friday just started off with a bang! Woke up late for school because of all the damn noise inside my apartment last night. Then when I finally do leave for school this morning I get bit by a little shithead dog. I'm not so mad at the dog biting the back of my leg as I am the retard of a lady who owns him.
   This little black dog is always out when Im walking my dog Gnarly and it always bites her on the legs or face. Lady get your damn dog under control. Obviously its a little shit and should be euthanized but I'm thinking the same thing should be done to you. Seriously after the dog bit me all she said was "Oh be nice" to the dog. She didn't ask if I was okay or say she was sorry. Just, oh be nice. Hey lady, incase you haven't noticed, it does this every damn day. Another pointless human being who shouldn't be walking on this earth. I wish the absolute worst for this scumbag.
   Anyways back to my great start of a day, I get to school around lunchtime so we head over to good ol' Micky D's for some food. Taylor picked out our booth and sat down. I sat on the other side of him, but on the other side is a huge puddle of water. My ass immediately gets soaked and I start swearing up a storm in front of everyone. My khaki shorts have a huge water mark on them and it is totally uncomfortable. Everyone stared at me as I walked out and I wanted to flip them all off, but me being the nice guy I am, held my composure. Tgif I guess.
-C.

Just a taste.

I mentioned last night that the stories I tell you about might sound crazy and unrealistic. Well I wish I could have a camera on me at all times so you could see the weird and crazy things I see. So to show you I'm not bluffing, here are some funny, crazy, weird pictures I've taken/was a part of. Honestly thank God for cameras. Click read more ya dingus.

Wowzees

   So I was going through random blogs last night and came across one called Roxanne's Way or something like that. Anyway her top post said "Funny!" so I had to read it. .....uuum what part of that was funny at all? HAHAHAHA OMG COCONUT BRAS?!?! LOL U LADIES ARE WILD! Smdh. And 35 comments? Whats that all about? If any of my posts are ever as retarded as this one, tell a brotha. Gtfo Roxy. Burn.

P.S. The next person to call their anniversary an 'anny' should automatically be put through a firing squad. We don't need scum like this. LOLZ.

-C

After Werk.

   Most of this stuff I tell you honestly sounds like I make it up. I'm not kidding you when I say this weird stuff happens to me on the reg. I'm always in or always see awkward/crazy situations. After work today Im driving home and I hear a huge screech from the car behind me. I look back to see this jeep slamming its brakes to avoid hitting this dumbass idiot driver. That wasn't the weird part though. There was a little white dog on the passengers lap. Just minding his own biz probably licking its balls. Then, when the guy hit the brakes, the dog literally flew and hit the windshield. I was so confused as to what I just saw... Now I'm a total dog lover, always have been always will be. But this was just way too funny of a moment to not laugh. Almost cried myself all the way home. Thanks pup.
-C.

Another day of work, another story.

   So today I get the call from my boss to come in like usual. I get there and he tells me I have to do a delivery. So before every delivery I call the person to make sure they're home and have someone to help carry the furniture in their place. So I call this Rob guy, and I can tell he's an older guy probably in his 60's. Just sounds like the nicest guy in the world. I ask him if he has somebody to help him take in the furniture, and he asks if he can talk to my manager. I hand the phone to the bossman and his eyes got super big. He puts the phone on speaker and these are just a few of the things I hear:
"You mother fucker, I never got told I needed someone to help me"
"speak mother fucking english you asshole" (my boss is from Africa)
"you piece of god damn shit I'm gonna call the cops"
"send your delivery boy over here and see what the fuck happens asshole"
"keep your god damn furniture I don't give a fuck"
"I was in a coma for 3 fucking weeks and now you're telling me I need to put furniture in myself?"

Gum Wall.

    Its been almost 2 years since we had to put this masterpiece six feet under. By six feet under I mean in the trash. It started off as a single piece of gum that someone stuck inside my locker at school. Everyday, there it was, staring at me.
   One day I decide to do something, but little did I know it would go down in the books as one of the greatest masterpieces in Lincoln Southeast High School history. I put my piece of gum right on top of it. A class later I go to my locker and see one of my best friends putting his gum right on top of mine. We looked at each other and instantly knew. Lets build a tower. Pretty soon word spread around school about what was going on in locker C116. We had people lining up to be a part of this secret masterpiece. We told everyone that if the janitors found out about this, everything would be ruined.

Death Metal

Some stuff I'm listening to. It won't let me post a third one in the format I want, but the last video would be a track off of Carcass's "Heartwork" record. Highly influential melodic death metal album. I know there are some goobers out there who think Arch Enemy and later In Flames are actually good, and I'd like to suggest you take a listen to "Heartwork" and educate yourselves. 

Unleashed-Before The Creation of Time
90's Swedish death metal about Norse mythology and viking life as opposed to lyrics about HP Lovecraft and horror themed lyrics that was so prevalent at the time. 

Revenge-Us and Them (Higher Power)
Filthy, dirty black/death metal from Canada. Absolute chaos. 

My favorite kind of music. The perfect music to skate to. The perfect music to live life to.

-Taylor

SERIOUSLY THOUGH.

   I don't know if you guys just ignored this or didn't see it, but no worries, I will repost it. Again Im just a poor little white college kid looking to entertain myself, but I have no money. If you forgot the list of things I need and what you'll get in return, click riiiight here. vvv http://boobsandoreos.blogspot.com/2012/04/urgent.html

But there is one more thing that needs to be added. This cheeseburger shirt. Love you guys, with all my heart.

<3 Cody.

Hell of a talent

This kid has some pipes on him! Dadgummit, can he sing.

-Taylor

Speechin N Shit.

   So today is another shitty day here at the Creative Center, because its Wednesday! And you know what Wednesdays mean... communications class! Seriously I'm not joking when I say this class makes me want to chop my balls of and feed them to a gaggle of wolf spiders. First off, I hate communication in general. I'm not a big fan of the human race and the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone. Not only do we have to do all that crap, we have to give speeches. Did I mention I go to an art school? A speech class in art school. Im contemplating on grabbing the scissors and giving my balls a chop right now just thinking about it.
   Today our teacher told us we have to give a ceremonial speech. Not just any speech, but one we would normally give at a wedding or funeral. WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT?? How awkward is it gonna be next week when were all standing up there congratulating somebody whose not there on getting married? Or saying how much we're going to miss somebody whose not there because they're dead. Just get me out of this school before I cut off my whole body off.

UPDATE: We just watched this video in class to show how our speech should look. Uuum are you kidding me bro? You want us to give a speech this awkward? Seriously who the hell talks like this in the first place? My teacher has to be on some crazy shit to think this is how a speech should look. I think she's one of those people who loves talking to people who don't want to talk. She's one of those people who just strives to have an awkward conversation with you at the grocery store while you're trying to shop and won't leave you alone. If you make it through this whole video without blowing your brains out, I applaud you.

-C.

Mom, please read this too.

   Last night I posted about my mom getting old and having to join this basketball league in order to not be put in a home. But mom, todays your lucky day! Theres another option for ya! Check out Deb here. Murdered this whole video. Just 'spooning' away to some Black Keys like its her job, even though playing with kangaroos looks like a way better career. This looks like a great exercise to keep me madres health up. You have two choices now, so no excuses! Love you mom.

-Cody

Mike got ahold of Gnarles.

@Shit_Mike_Says_ is over, and he somehow got a hold of my dog. I don't know if G was a fan.

Emo.

   Today was just an emotional roller coaster for me. Woke up in a good mood, got to school, bad mood. Spill Starbucks and Snapple all over myself, get caught looking like I'm jerking off in the bathroom while I'm trying to get this crap off my pants, go get some Taco Bell to cure my pain, my main lady Cookie spelled my name Coty, wtf is that?? Don't act like you don't know who I am Cookie, Im your number one customer. Then, we go to a printing press. A freaking printing press. Aka the most depressing job in the world. I'd much rather work at an abortion clinic than that place. Every time anyone would ask a question I would just give them the worst glare I could, just to let them know that they are stupid and they should not be asking any questions at all. Oh you really want to know about interning at this printing press?? I would too if I wanted to be depressed my whole life and kill myself. But besides all that, my days been pretty good!
-Cody.

Tunes for Goons pt. 4

Just some more music for you gooners. If you've liked the past stuff, you'll like this stuff. And yes this time I'm giving you 5. Enjoy it shitheads.
-C.

Mike G- Forest Green

Godemis- Ol' Gregg

Kendrick Lamar ft. Dr. Dre- The Recipe

Macklemore- The End.

Dizzy Wright- Cant Trust Em

Pissed.

   Im so mad right now its not even funny. I didn't get to eat breakfast this morning so I was going to buy some stuff out the vending machines at school. The regular Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies and a Starbucks Mocha drink. If you haven't tried those together, you're insane. Its an orgy in your mouth. Anyway, I go to get it and the cookies get stuck. Strike one. I put the money in the drink machine, it won't take it. Strike two. I go to find the lady that deals with this stuff, she's not there. Strike three. Im out. First world problems are the absolute worst.
-Cod

UPDATE: I now have the food in my hands and am a happy little guy. That was a close call though.

UPDATE 2: I'm mad again. I spilled a mixture of peach Snapple and Starbucks all over my pants and phone. Don't ask why they were mixed or how it got spilled. I was bored. I went to the bathroom to wash it off and was scrubbing my pants hard and fast, then 2 guys walked in and only saw what I was doing from behind. I wonder what their first thoughts were.